The final hour is upon us… I find out my results

My results

So today, I have come to #learn #results for the first half of my #tests. They had found some #uptake in the #abdomen in the #petct #scan so we did some #skin #biopsies and hopefully, at least my #staging will be sorted tonight! What is interesting though is that, I’m nearly always the youngest waiting for prof. O’ reilly #fuckyou #cancer #fuckyoucivilisation

There is no Preparation for Love

You can learn all the elements, names of all the stars, names of every apostle or the 99 names of Allah. You can take Sigma6 courses, do multiple MBAs, finish a doctorate and write a book…

You can do everything you think is enough, but nothing will prepare a person to fall in love. there is no preparation for falling in love.  It might last a month, a week or a day after which you will never be the same.

You will have everything you think you know changed, in an instant, in a smile, in a sparkle of sunlight in her eyes. In a falling leaf, in an argument that normally you would win hands down – but you don’t want to beat her in an argument – you want to lose. You want to lose.
In a song you normally wouldn’t like, in a colour you wouldn’t paint with.

Normally, yeah.


A way of life where people prefer to die from illness rather than from of hunger

Which in the prehistoric community hardly ever happened. People didn’t die out for. Starvation. Their hunger and the lack of staple food and a low caring capacity in regions would cause population to plumet, but no one would die of hunger. They just wouldn’t increase. They wouldn’t have offspring – wouldn’t have the energy too! No food right?
Where as I’m here

Living in a modern society

Just like all the people I trust have told me do so

Im part of system. Modern. Civilised. Ok? Happy?

Cos I’m fucking not.

Im not angry about the sandwiches..that’s not the issue

The issue is caring capacity.

Let getting ready for biopsy

I used to hate that, but now I like it. The stuff they are gonna use to biopsy my pelvis. Skin graft from near the groin another angle of the legs scones and jam… With preservatives and colourings and shit?? and chicken and mayo? Like fucking mayo ?

Sapancada Katliam Var

kedi kopek onemli arkadaslar, canlari var, anneler babalar, cocuklar, evlatlar.. bizim cocuklarimiz gibi onlarda sut ariyor..

inan, hayvan ayirimi pek yapmam, sayfaya bakan varsa anlar, fakat birsey perspektiv’e alinmali..

kedi kopek nekadar onemliyse, can’da okadar onemli. her can.

doguda kurtler oldurulurken, kurt cocuklar, kurt anneler, kurt babalar, kurt olduklari icin oldurulurken bakiyorum ki bir cok “sapancada katliam var” mansetleri paylasanlar pek ses cikarmiyordu.

isreal’n siyasi tarihini bilirsiniz, yahudi irki almanlar tarafindan bir katliyama ugrada.. hatta okadar muhim bir olay ki tarihimizde, ozel bir adi var, “holokost”

okadar muhim ki yahudilerin cektigi cile, baska katliyamlara bu holokost kelimesini kullanamiyoruz.. yada kullanildigini pek gormessiniz.. ne rwanda, ne mynamar, ne kenya, ne baska hic biryerde yapilan bir katliyamda, ingilizce en azinda, buna holokost denmez.

yahudilerin cektigi aci galiba rwadadaki cekilen acidan farkli, daha.. nasil desem.. daha aci..

kedi kopek icin manset acan insanlarda galiba kedi ve kopeklerin cektigi aciyi kurtlerin cektigi acidan, nasil denir.. daha aci oldugunu dusunuyor sanirim.

yazdiklarim turk dusmanligi degildir,
kurt dusman dusmanligidir..

The Danger of a Dream – Fear and Danger

The Danger of a Dream

At that point in their lives, everything is #clear and everything is #possible. They are not afraid to #dream, and to #yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as #time passes, a #mysterious #force begins to convince them that it will be #impossible for them to #realize their #destiny.
The Alchemist was the first book i read willfully, and i remember it changed my life back then.
This #cancer has changed my life once again.
Many people have messaged me to say that they believe I am strong and that I will beat this. Others have said that i’m not only fighting this for me – but for everyone who has been through this, will go through this and has not been able to beat this.
I thank those people.
I am smiling in this picture because I’m happy. Next week I find out what kind of cancer and #lymphoma I have. I might not be smiling on that day.
But let this picure be what you remember of me – regardless of anything else that may be/happen.

Fear and Danger

In regards to what might happen;
I think its important I explain something to those who care and to whom might not know me as well as they think they do – or even know Cancer.
There is a difference between Fear and Danger. A good movie to explain this anology in more depth would be “After Earth.”
Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future, and of our lessons learnt in the past. It is a product of our imagination and our upbringing, causing us to fear things that do not, at present and may not ever, exist.
That is near insanity.
Do not misunderstand me.
Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.
I’m not afraid of this Cancer, but I do understand the dangers.
I am however afraid of certain very new aquantiences being short lived; and for that, you will all have to forgive me and trust me when I say that you are very special to me. 
#smile #universe #alchemist #paulocoelho